Writing Is Not An Alibi

Ok, I know this is a bit too harsh. But I was really in love with this story once and I miss it so much. Now I can only think of that scene I still have to finish editing and cringe, or have useless guilt trips on how the revision isn’t finished yet. It’s like I think of it and just hit a brick wall. And I don’t have that when writing fanfiction: actually, writing fanfiction us all kinds of fun to me, even when I touch on topics a little out of my comfort zone.

I’ve never been one for the aesthetic ideal of the poor suffering writer: the first reason why I write is that I like it. And while occasional frustration is part of the jig, if it’s stopped being fun altogether then it’s a problem. A big scary motherfucker of a problem.

There’s something that’s not working anymore, and it’s been from a while, and I have no idea what that is. All I know is that I have to do something about it.

Stay tuned.

I do get that the whole point you’re trying to make is that a certain toxic character has changed. And I do appreciate it.

If however they just start behaving like a totally different person or a pitiful woobie - well, that’s not going to read as character development. That’s just going to read as OOC.

Just so you know, my sister is having Homestuck-themed nightmares with incredibly convoluted plots. It’s not the first time it happens.

We are probably crossing a line here.

I.e. present one of the most toxic characters in canon as a poor misunderstood woobie who was either manipulated all along or in any case had little blame of their own in the horrible things they did.

Cue Daste stopping reading.

Granted, I’m not going to tell anyone what they should write/like/ship/think, of course.

But to be honest? Certain characters are just that great precisely because of their flaws. Because they do what they do knowing exactly what they’re doing, and for believable reasons - albeit not very clean, sane or pure ones. Because of how messed up, broken, terrifying and toxic they are. Because of the cruel light they cast on the world and human nature, and that little glimmer of hope that makes me wonder how far their darkness goes, and how or if things could have been different.

I could rant about Tarvek, or about Lu and Klaus in Girl Genius. Or I could engage feelsdump mode over Vriska or Eridan in Homestuck. And no, don’t worry, I’m not going to - but I love all these guys to death for different reasons, and they all have something that scares me in their own unique way, some more than others.

(Now that I think of it Tarvek is definitely the most sane person there, but he’s still an example of a complex character with believable flaws I’ve seen being warped into an innocent martyr.)

I can’t turn these characters into woobies and make up excuses for them by virtue of the very reasons why I love them. If I do, they’re not themselves anymore.

And even if of course anybody is entitled to their OOC fluff if that’s what they like, personally I have to say: no thanks. I just see no point in it.

I just wanted you to know that Parmesanfair is presently monopolizing my keyboard to make the google voice lady say things like “Eridan, you douche!”. That, by the way, is automatically detected by google as obscure creole haitian jargon and translated as “Eridanus, you shower!”.

We are presently giggling and rolling about like drunkards.

My ability to even. I still haven’t found it.

My life has officially become a vortex of chemical engineering, evil novel revision and Homestuck feels.

It is quite awesome.